Saturday, July 21, 2012

One Very Gross Moment

Today was just one of those days where Mistress Fate decided to have a little fun with me. For various reasons, I've been unable to "mow" my lawn for many weeks so I was excited - well, more like groaning - when the weather and my schedule lined up and I could get out there to do it this morning. Now, the first thing you have to know is that my lawn is really a small field that sits down below my house and that it's used as the septic drain area. That means my grass grows REALLY well but also sports these funky clumps of crab grass and islands of growth that makes it hard to mow with a regular mower so I've always used a weed whacker. It takes longer but cuts better. The day slowly went from good to bad; the weed whacker overheated first, cutting out on me constantly because of the thickness of the grass (and unbalanced mix of oil to gas, which I realized later), and then the storms rolled in. They were pop up thunderstorms though so when one hit, I'd duck under cover, ride it out, and mow as soon as it passed. Of course, the more it rained, the wetter the grass got and the slicker it was to walk.

After an hour or so of this, I was hot as Hades, my body was sore and I wasn't as eagle eyed as I usually am.....which is, of course, when the gross moment came. As the string of the whacker hacked away at a clump of grass, it hit something big which exploded on impact. Turns out it was a nice big clump of dog poop, left by my lovely pooch. Normally I spot them in time but I failed on this one and paid the price as the gooey, steaming clump of poop splattered all over me, getting on my shirt, my gloves, my face and in my hair. Yep, you heard it, I was a walking piece of crap! Somewhere out there, Mistress Fate was laughing her butt off today at my expense and, admittedly, I was laughing about it myself...after I'd had my shower.

So, tell me, what is one of the most gross moments of your life? 


  1. Brian, this is exactly why we sold our house and bought a lawn care!

  2. LOL..that is just terrible but yet too funny!!! Oh my side hurts from laughing!!!!

  3. Hi Brian, solid post. I have had many gross moments in my life, but a recent one is when one of my dogs got sick.

    I was just about to go to bed when I wanted some water, so I go downstairs and the first thing I see is a huge, runny pile of diarrhea sitting on the floor. Then I see a huge pond of puke filled with grass and dirt.

    I go out to find my dog to make sure he's okay, and I find a second pond of puke out in the entry hall. I say pond, because it wasn't chunky.

    Anyways, it was a mess and a half to clean up and was very disgusting.

  4. I have a septic tank. We had a drought in our area that killed a lot of trees and laughed because our trees over our septic tank didn't die.